27Christian27
Prospect
Offseason Shakeup
- Billionaire Entrepreneur Christian Wilson from South Carolina sent former Texans owner Robert McNair immediately into retirement with his $3.25B purchase of the NFL's Houston franchise on February 23rd
- Various media outlets speculated if there would be a management and coaching shakeup due to the new owner, but Bill O'Brien has stayed on as the Head Coach of the Texans
- On March 3rd reports surfaced that Wilson and O'Brien had a closed doors meeting where Wilson essentially put his foot down on the changes he wanted to see or else O'Brien would be out of a job and Wilson would reveal to the public Coach O'Brien's secret fetish -- but this report has still not been verified and is all speculation
- Coach O'Brien announced the signing of QB Brock Lobster at the official press conference March 10th. After the boring questions were answered, coach let the media know of what changes could be seen from the Texans this season.
- For starters, Brock Lobster will be the QB no matter how shit he is, as there is literally no viable backup option on the team as Trash Weeden will be 2nd on the depth chart.
- The defense is switching to a 4-3, the primary reason is to return Jadeveon Clowney to RE where he dominated in college, allowing him to rush the QB every play and not feel obligated to learn the playbook as the 3-4 OLB role was too complicated for him. Hopefully, this means the front 4 can get pressure without much need of blitzing help.
- Quarterback: Brock Lobsta, barring injury, will play every snap. He is surrounded by established pros, promising talent, and a nice safety net, but we will get to all of that.
- Running Back: Lamar Miller will be the feature back, expect 15+ carries and some receiving touches every game. Grimes will be the backup, looking to get around 5 touches per game. Blue will be the designated goal-line back, expect a low YPC but to get in the endzone, head over to http://www.espn.com/fantasy/football/ to see where Matthew Berry ranks Blue in his last-round steals.
- Full Back: Prosch is here to block, not much else.
- Wide Receiver: Look for NUUUUUUK to be the star. Strong will start the year at #2. Look for rookies Fuller V and Braxton to get plenty of snaps and targets right away as lackluster veteran Shorts III had a weak preseason.
- Tight End: Veteran Owen Daniels is going to be Brock Lobster's safety net, hoping to emulate the success Witten has had up North along I-45. Fiedorowicz will be the #2 because are you really even an NFL team if you don't have a FB/TE with a strange name? That answer, is no. Griffin and rookie Anderson are not likely to appear unless an injury or goal-line situation arises.
- Offensive Line: LT-Brown, LG-Clark, C-Freeman, RG-Allen, RT-Newton --- the versatile McDonald will be the immediate backup across the line if anyone goes down, while the youngersters can continue to develop in practice.
- Defensive Ends: Clowney has been returned to RE where he belongs, Watt kindly moves over to LE where he will continue to destroy the careers of linemen across the league. Kroy Biermann will be the backup for both as there is not much more available to the team this season due to the scheme change.
- Defensive Tackles: Good luck running the ball, there are 5 nose tackles to rotate 2 spots. They may take some time getting use to having another next to them, but hey, there are basically 2 nose tackles. Good luck trying to get through Air Wilfork and crew.
- Outside Linebackers: Mercilus and McKinney get the starts with Simon and Dent as backups. Expect Mercilus to stay on the field in Nickel situations.
- Middle Linebacker: Brian Cushing, not much else to say, knows how to do his job.
- Cornerbacks: With Wilson preferring man corners despite the league shift to zone, this was quite the position battle in preseason. Jonathan Joseph and his 10 years of experience will be the #1 CB. The next 5 battled all preseason and after several got burned, here is the remaining order: 2-Hal, 3-Bouye, 4-Jackson, 5-Johnson, 6-James II. But with limited separation by any, look for this to adjust as the season goes along and hopefully someone steps up.
- Safeties: FS-Allen, SS-Rambo. Demps had a chance at the SS job but Rambo's hit power in the preseason proved its worth with a forced fumble and numerous jarring pass-breakups. Demps will backup both as youngster Ballentine just isn't ready for live action yet.
- Kicker: Novak, doesn't need to make bombs, just deliver 1 kick at a time. If not, Fairbairn is waiting in the Practice Squad.
- Punter: Lechler announced this will be his final NFL season, and we just hope his leg doesn't fall off before the season ends as he has punted the ball 34.5 miles in his career.
- Kickoffs: Novak will kick to preserve Lechler's leg.
- Kick/Punt Returns: Fuller and Ervin will be back deep and always on the look to take one to the house, who believes in touchbacks anyway?